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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212964">Never Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKatWinchester/pseuds/KitKatWinchester'>KitKatWinchester</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner &amp; Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton &amp; Natasha Romanov Friendship, Gen, Parent Tony Stark, Rated teen for swearing, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, The Avengers are little shits, This Team is the Worst Sometimes, Thor (Marvel) Is Hilarious, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Seriously Such a Dad, especially for Peter, like seriously</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:33:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25212964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKatWinchester/pseuds/KitKatWinchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a reason the Avengers have their groceries delivered each week. Tony made the mistake of taking them shopping only once and that was enough for him. (Summary taken from @misinterpretedmythology on <a href="https://misinterpretedmythology.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner &amp; Tony Stark, Clint Barton &amp; Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton &amp; Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov &amp; Tony Stark, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark, Steve Rogers &amp; Tony Stark, Tony Stark &amp; Thor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>155</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Never Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hey all! </p><p>So this fic was completely and utterly inspired by a WONDERFUL incorrect quote from @misinterpretedmythology on Tumblr (linked in the summary). The <a href="https://kitkatwinchester.tumblr.com/post/623001558440869888/oh-my-god-this-is-the-best-thing-ever">quote</a> made me laugh so hard, and I couldn't NOT write a fic on it, because it was too good! </p><p>So! A huge thank you to them for their awesome idea and for letting me expand on it! Because this fic wouldn't have been born without them! &lt;3 </p><p>With that said, read on, and I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>It had seemed like such a good plan.</p>
  <p>Being the billionaire in the group, Tony’s always been in charge of the grocery shopping. But no matter how many people check his list before he leaves, someone always has a last-minute request that he forgets, or doesn’t like the particular brand of cereal he buys, or needs a bigger box of crackers--whatever it is, it’s always something. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>So it only made sense, in Tony’s mind, to finally put his foot down and make everyone come shopping with him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He should’ve known. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Nothing’s ever that easy. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Three dollars for eggs?!” Steve exclaims from a few feet away. “How is that possible?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Tony runs a hand down his face, groaning. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I already explained this to you, Cap--”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Then explain to me again why milk is <em>four dollars</em> a gallon!” Steve interrupts, clearly increasingly frustrated. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Inflation, Steve,” Tony tries again, despite having already had this conversation on the way here. “Prices rise and fall as the economy changes. It’s been seventy years! Did you really think prices weren’t going to change in all that time?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yes!” Steve says, angrily slamming the door to the milk. “I never would have been able to afford that!” Tony sighs in response. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Again, people make more money now, so things are more expensive. That’s how this--” Tony doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence as Peter comes racing down the hall, riding on the back of a cart filled with--<em>is that instant ramen? </em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mr. Stark, they have a new shrimp flavor!” Tony looks at Peter, then back down at the cart. Sure enough, there are a good forty packets of shrimp instant ramen stacked on top of each other. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Kid, that has no nutrition at all. I can’t let you get all of those. Your aunt would kill me.” Peter frowns at him, putting on his best puppy dog face. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But Mr. Staaaark, it’s shrimp! I’ve never had that flavor before!” Tony raises an eyebrow at him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Okay, but since when do you like shrimp?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Since it was a flavor for instant ramen.” Tony gives him his famous “really” look before responding. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Wow, that totally convinces me,” he says, voice laced with sarcasm. Clearly, Peter doesn’t hear it, because he looks up at him hopefully. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Really?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No,” Tony immediately responds. “Put them back.” Peter frowns at him, and the dejected look on his kid’s face almost makes Tony back down, but he stands his ground, pointing down the aisle. Eventually, Peter obliges, turning the cart around and moping back to the ramen aisle. Tony rolls his eyes, but he can’t help the fond smile that makes its way onto his face before he turns back to Steve. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Now, as I was saying--” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Who wants bacon?!” Nat’s voice calls from several aisles down, interrupting Tony yet again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What the fu--” he starts to whisper before the rest of the Avengers chorus “mes” from various parts of the store. In response, Tony sees several other customers turning their heads in different directions, clearly trying to figure out what the hell is going on.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Me too, people, </em>Tony thinks to himself, mumbling apologies at the few people he passes as he tries to find Natasha. Just as he gets close to the aisle he thinks she’s in, another voice rings out even louder than hers. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’M A SLUT FOR BACON!” Clint practically screams, and Tony freezes in his tracks, facepalming so hard his forehead stings. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Why on </em>earth<em> did I think this was a good idea??</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He picks up the pace again, turning the corner to see Clint and Natasha giggling to themselves as they grab package after package of bacon. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you crazy?” Tony grumbles, stomping his way over. “This is a public place. There are other people here! You two are spies for crying out loud! I’d expect you to be a little more inconspicuous!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Nat and Clint look at him, then at each other, and then Nat turns back to him with a smirk.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re one to talk, Stark.” Tony looks at her, annoyed, but eventually just rolls his eyes. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Fine. Point taken. Just...grab the bacon and let’s go, okay?” Tony makes his way back down the aisle, and just as he turns the corner, he practically runs into Bruce. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, Tony, hey,” Bruce greets, arms filled with several boxes of tea. “I was just about to come find you. Which one of these do you think I should get?” He lifts up the load in his arms. “I mean, they're all good, but this brand is cheaper,” he continues, nodding to the two boxes in his right hand. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Billionaire, Bruce,” Tony replies with a sigh. “Just, pick one.” However, he can’t help the smile that settles on his face. At least somebody is slightly manageable. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He barely finishes that thought when Thor comes barreling down the aisle, holding two carts above his head. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Friend, Tony! We shall feast tonight on the Pop of Tarts!” Tony stares at him, then at the carts swinging precariously above his head. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What the--why do you have two carts of poptarts?! And why are you carrying them? You’re supposed to push the carts!” Thor looks at him and gives him a confused frown. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But I can carry them. Why would I push them?” Tony groans and runs a hand down his face again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know what, forget it. Where did Peter and Steve go?” As if on cue, Steve and Peter both simultaneously call out from several aisles away. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Tony, how do you get milk from an almond?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mr. Stark, can we get cheese sticks too?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Before Tony can answer either of them, there is a cacophony of sound as everyone starts talking at once. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What about pudding?” Nat. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Fuck your pudding!” Clint. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But it’s chocolate!” Nat again. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mr. Stark Cheetos are on sale!” Peter.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Can we afford tea cookies too?” Bruce.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Almonds don’t have milk, do they?” Steve. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“There are so many flavors of these Pop of Tarts! I must get more.” Thor.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Okay well what about fruit snacks?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What are you, five?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mr. Stark Mr. Stark! Buy one get one free for cookies!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“We can afford tea cookies. I’m sure we have a coupon somewhere.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“How do I carry a third cart?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“HOW DO YOU MILK AN ALMOND, TONY??!!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He can’t take this. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“EVERYBODY SHUT UP!” he screams, and to his surprise, the chatter stops, and all heads turn his way--including several heads that do not belong to his <em>very annoying</em> team. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Look,” he starts, not wanting to waste their attention while he has it. “Whatever you want, fine. Get a cart, a basket, whatever and just put the stuff in, and bring it up front. I don’t care what it is, I don’t care how much it costs. Just do it and go.” He can already feel the protests and the questions, and he quickly addresses everything. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Nat and Clint, get separate carts if you have to, but if you’re gonna bicker, do it quietly and while making your way to the check-out line. Peter, I really don’t wanna condone unhealthy eating, but if you insist on getting chips and cookies, at least try to find ones that you know other people in the compound will eat. And whatever you do, don’t tell your aunt. Yes, Bruce, we can afford tea cookies, and please do not worry about the coupons. Just put them in the cart. Thor, you really don’t need three carts of pop-tarts, but if you really really must, have Peter help you push the third one. And Steve--almonds do have milk, but they have to be soaked in water first. I don’t really know the process, but if you wanna try the milk, put it in the cart. If you don’t, put it back. Everyone got that?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>By the time Tony finishes, he is out of breath and even more frustrated, but to his relief, there are several nods before everyone eventually disperses, grabbing various items and putting them in their own carts and baskets. Tony takes a few wonderful minutes to collect himself, but it’s quickly interrupted by a small voice from behind him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mr. Stark?” Peter mumbles, clearly trying to be as conscientious as possible, and despite his frustrations, Tony doesn’t have the heart to be mad at him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s up, kid?” Peter responds by holding up three packs of cookies, a sheepish grin on his face. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do you think everyone would like chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, or peanut butter more?” Tony can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and he reaches down to ruffle Peter’s hair. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know what, bud, just get all three. What the hell?” Peter grins happily and tosses them in his basket before skipping in the direction of the check-out line. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Alright,</em> Tony thinks to himself. <em>Maybe this whole endeavor wasn’t so bad after all. </em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But, of course, as Tony turns the corner to the check-out line, he sighs yet again at seeing the chaos that is the rest of the team, fighting over who gets to have their items scanned first while the poor sales clerk looks on in confused horror. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>With a lot of yelling and even more pushing, as well as several comments of “stop being such a dad, Tony,” he <em>finally</em> manages to get all of the groceries scanned and paid for and all of the Avengers <em>out</em> of the store and hopefully as far away as possible. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As they make their way out the door, the chatter starts almost as quickly as it had stopped, and Tony pauses, stopping an employee as she’s walking towards one of the counters. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Please tell me you guys have a delivery service,” he says, and to his relief, she nods, pulling a small card out of her pocket with information on how to order groceries. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thank you,” Tony says gratefully, giving the paper a once-over. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Never again,</em> he thinks to himself as he pockets the card. <em>I am never </em><strong><em>ever</em></strong><em> doing this again. </em></p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you all enjoyed that little Avengers fic! </p><p>Most of the time, I tend to write Irondad and Spiderson, so it was fun to expand to the other Avengers for once! (Though, clearly, I love Peter and Tony too much, because I still included some adorable little Irondad and Spiderson moments lol.) </p><p>Anyway! If you enjoyed this fic, feel free to check out my other fics on this site! And if you wanna come say hi, you can find me on <a href="https://kitkatwinchester.tumblr.com/">Tumblr!</a> :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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